So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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