We won't sleep together?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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