ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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