Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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