or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
