God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
