I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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