The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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