He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
