I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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