He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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