Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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