I hate your face
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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