this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
