Say something about gay babies.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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