I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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