does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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