I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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