Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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