Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
