I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
