Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
