so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
