the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
