Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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