How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
