I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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