He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
