so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
