omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
