I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
