i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
