i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
