New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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