you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
