before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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