I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
