he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
