Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
