He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
