Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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