dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
