I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
