Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
