My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
