I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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