I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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