Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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