someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You can't motorboat a personality
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
