He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
