Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
