I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
