I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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